Often, we end up seeking perfection in things which will never be perfect. Take relationships for instance; there is no such thing as flawless love or romance; there is a bad relationship and a good one.
What qualifies each of these kinds of relationships is the willingness of the involved parties to take their love to the highest, not perfect, level possible.
Noticeably, relationship building takes more than just ‘I love you’ phrase, while spoiling a relationship takes one wrong move, one hateful word or disrespectful look. The beginnings of romance tales are more or less similar while the endings can be as many as your hair strands.
The ending could be getting a divorce or even worse scenarios. It is how life is, but it would not hurt if few extra measures are taken to know how to solve problems, and how to have a good relationship. We are about to unveil 7 rules many people think they are effective, whereas they are TOXIC.
#1 – Keep all your past emotional crises with other partners to yourself
What would happen to a volcano if the lava is pulled and kept in by force? Of course, the outcome would be a massive volcanic eruption. The same can indeed happen to you if you keep the past emotional crises to yourself. Over time, the loads get bigger and bigger.
Your self-esteem scales back off, and your happy relationship starts to tumble down. If you have kicked off a fresh new start with a new partner but still talking to your ex, you are killing your current relationship.
You have to learn how to deal with your psychological problems and struggles. Start by talking about your past to your present partner!
#2 – Resort to compromise to keep things under control
Most people and even experts would tell you that love and respect are not enough to make successful relationships. They would always highlight compromise as the third key to how to have and maintain a good relationship.
But is compromise always good? It surely is not; otherwise, that balance of a healthy relationship and true romance would be lost.
It is okay to turn a blind eye on something but not on all things. Otherwise, things will be like: I am the boss, and you are the slave. Some good communication skills and feelings’ expression from time to time can save you from living in hell.
#3 – Communicate a lot
We do realize that we have just spoken about the importance of communication skills, but everything is relative, right?! But imagine being in a happy relationship with someone you really love, then s/he keeps texting and calling you all day long, would not it be annoying?
This is clearly not a useful investment of effective communication skills. Most local therapists and specialists advise couples to talk more often, which is healthier.
Note that they say ‘more often’ and not ‘always’. You need to have some space to keep that touch of romance vivid. This should be the basis of serious relationships.
#4 – Wait for the big change day
We are humans, and we, obviously, love and marry humans. We are all full of flaws; nobody is perfect anyway. But there is a clear cutline between being good and being perfect.
Being good involves fixing the fixable flaws that hurt us and our partners, whereas being perfect involves trying to fix the unfixable. If our partners are full flaws, it is normal, for they are humans.
But of those flaws are flexible, yet they don’t want to fix them, then that is a real issue. Some imperfections can be overlooked, but some others harm the relationship. If the partners are not willing to change for the better, it is wrong to wait for the impossible to happen.
#5 – No privacy expecting
The problem of many people in relationships is that they always compromise, ignore when their relationships become a source of pain and expect no privacy in the relationships. Well, these are all the ingredients of a toxic partnership.
People think that having privacy while being in a relationship is bad, whereas it never is. Having some privacy does not affect in any way the definition of love in a relationship. That sort of privacy must be based on mutual trust.
In other words, if you trust your partner properly, his or her absence from the dinner table out of a sudden one day will be justified by something private and important that held him or her back from showing up. Enjoying privacy is an integral part of the definition of being in love, plus it is your right.
#6 – No bed-going angrily
One of the most common pieces of advice that many couples receive is never going to bed angry. Well, this is not always recommended; we are not saying that you should fight. All couples, whether they are in a long or short-term relationship, encounter stressful relationships.
Some of them succeed in finding happiness again, while others don’t. Back to communication once again! We are not inviting couples to the fights’ party, but we are saying that a calm and civilized conversation will certainly uncover buried solutions.
Don’t suppress the flood of emotions and pretend you are happy. Having a positive attitude takes some unloading of negative feelings.
#7 – Follow always the heart instructions
We take the ‘follow your heart’ phrase for granted, don’t we?! We never question it or doubt its grounds. This exact phrase is what can drive your relationship to the verge. Your heart might deceive you to love someone who would hurt you.
Whoever said that love is blind must have based this on exclusive heart grounds. The use of the mind will bring back to love its sight. If you keep listening to the heart alone, you will end up in a relationship that will destroy your life.
If you keep listening to the heart alone, you will end up in a relationship that will destroy your life. Sometimes, it is useful to freeze our emotions and take decisions mindfully.
Don’t be weakened by love but rather empowered by it and guided by the mind. This is the wise, clear choice you should make when you face any relationship-related struggle.
To put it in a nutshell, nothing is absolute; everything in human life is relative!