Last Updated on January 18, 2021
Being in a relationship is like riding a rollercoaster, some days you are in cloud nine, feeling so in love and can’t get enough of each other, other times you are fighting and probably throwing plates at each other.
It is all normal until one of you starts saying phrases that could immediately destroy what you have been building for the past few weeks, months, or years.
Phrases may seem short but they can be very harmful. Words are known to be powerful, they can cut you and heal you, kill you and revive you. Since you are dating, you may become comfortable expressing how you feel.
And sometimes, you may become a little too comfortable till you start hurting your partner without even being aware of it.
#1 – “Why do you want to do that? You never used to like to…”
In a long-lasting relationship, people grow and change and they don’t stay the same as they were when they first met. Don’t assume that something terrible has happened to your partner when they try to experience and do new things because new hobbies are not a threat to your relationship.
Take it as if they’re having a new hair-cut or eating pickles for the very first time. Embrace the new changes that your partner is adopting and support them, and why not join them as well. As long as they are not learning to do drugs, everything will be fine.
#2 – “YOU ARE OVERREACTING!”
This sentence is very irritating and it will make your partner madder than they were before. It is equally annoying as “you are being too sensitive” or “calm down” because no one in the history of “relationship fights” said these words and actually worked, so using them now will not give you any better results, but It may get you to sleep on the couch for a couple of days.
In conclusion, don’t comment on the way your partner is responding to your actions, just take a deep breath, and show them why they are wrong.
#3 – “Not tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after, honey!”
When it comes to physical intimacy, the couple might not always be on the same page, because while someone was having an easy day, the other was struggling through a series of hectic events. But, saying that you don’t want it tonight “or ever” may actually lead to a major disappointment and multiple unnecessary disagreements.
After all, the physical relationship is a need that both partners should be very much aware of. If you are not in the mood, just simply explain the reasons to them, don’t just shock them with a decision you took on your own and that will affect their “happiness” with you forever.
#4 – Anything that begins with “you never…”
It is unhealthy for a couple to accuse each other during their conversations or disagreements. Instead of expressing your needs and anger by stating how they never do/say stuff, you can always replace it with “I feel”, for example you can say “I feel like I always take out the trash and I would appreciate it if you take it out this time” this way your partner will be more aware of their unwanted behavior without getting triggered over the way you expressed it.
Keeping your focus on your needs instead of pointing out their flaws will create a good chance for a positive change.
#5 – “If you really love me, you’d…”
Before you get to finish this sentence, you have to stop immediately! Your Partner should never be forced into doing something just to prove how much they love you.
Instead of manipulating your partner into doing what you want, you can just be vulnerable and transparent to express how you are feeling because nothing dries out the love from a relationship more than someone experiencing the guilt and the pressure of doing unwanted matters.
So instead of attacking them with “if you really love me, you’d be taking me out on dates” try saying this “I feel like I miss you so much and I would like us to go on a date together when you are free”.
#6 – “I don’t believe you!”
By saying this, you just admit that you don’t trust them, and you also accuse them of lying; two dangerous things to kill any relationship immediately. Sometimes we do get those sudden instinct feelings of our partner might be doing something behind our back, and 50% of the time our feelings are right.
But unless you have the evidence that your theory is right, you are not allowed to accuse them of anything. The better version for responding to something you didn’t believe is “I feel like you are not telling me the whole story!”
#7 – “Seriously! What’s wrong with you?”
Relationships are about building each other up and never judge, and with that phrase, you just doubted your partner’s ability to think or do something. It is like a kick in the “under the belt area” of men.
Yes, that’s how harsh it is! No matter how stupid or inconvenient their actions might seem, do not question it, do not judge it, and do not say it out loud at least! Be your partner cheerleader, and in case you had to say something, just use a better way to express how much you would be proud of them if they did/said things differently.
#8 – “Mhmm, wait… what did you say again?”
You can’t just multitask and act like you can hear them while you are busy checking all the food porn on your phone. Eventually, your partner will feel that you lost interest in them and in what they have to say, it will be a hard one to argue about, and also you can’t just beg them to forgive you!
Your action will affect their self-esteem directly because you are their S.O, the person who should be paying them a full attention. Plus, what are you doing not being a good listener to your man/woman? The food porn can wait a few minutes.
#9 – “My Ex used to… ”
Stop! You can’t just compare your current life to your past, this is wrong on so many levels! In order to keep your relationship safe and healthy, avoid bringing up any topics that include your ex, and I will repeat again, don’t compare your present to your past, don’t compare your current partner to your ex!
Accept your partner as they are and don’t expect them to be somebody else, try to open up and express how you feel if you don’t like their behaviors. Plus, if you moved on, then what are you doing even thinking about your ex?
#10 – “I want a divorce (breakup)”
Once these words are out, the damage is done. When you show an interest in leaving them or the fact that you actually thought of it, your partner may rethink this whole relationship. You may regret saying this phrase later on, but you already shot your partner with the big guns.
The message that your partner delivered from this phrase is loud and clear, and they are expecting you to leave any time since you already have one foot outside the door. So whenever you both are having a disagreement, avoid using any harsh words before understanding their consequences, and try to cool off when you find yourself unable to control your words. better be safe than sorry!