When you find someone you can be in a relationship with, you wouldn’t be happier because you finally get to share your daily life with someone who is trustworthy, loving, and supportive.
But as the relationship goes on, a few things may start changing, and because you like your partner so much, you tend to ignore the red flags that are telling you this relationship is toxic.
People tend to forget that even when they are invested in a relationship, both partners are basically still their own individual person, which means each one of them has their own goals, dreams, thoughts, passions, beliefs, etc.
When forgotten, one of the partners might start asking their significant other to do illogical things that will never build the relationship any stronger or better. In fact, it will just destroy it and even destroy both individuals.
#1 – Change yourself
One of the main causes of relationship problems is self-abandonment because, somehow, we tend to abandon ourselves emotionally by ignoring or judging our feelings, financially by spending irresponsibly, physically by stop exercising, relationally by creating fights in the relationship, and spiritually by depending on your partner too much for love.
When you try to love yourself instead of abandoning it because of your partner, you will be able to create a better, deeper relationship with them.
#2 – Pick up unhealthy habits
If your partner tends to tempt you with cigarettes after you have quit, make you have many shots when you only asked for one, and not supporting you to go to the gym, then your partner is not helping you be healthier or stronger. Somehow, they don’t want to see you becoming better than them!
Technically, partners tend to consider this as a tool because controlling others will basically weaken them, which is going to satisfy their ego and make them feel better about themselves.
#3 – Give up your hobbies
When your partner is demanding to hang out with you instead of letting you practice your hobbies, then they are indirectly telling you that your hobbies are not that important, and slowly, you will be losing your passions.
Of course, they will say that you are their “everything”, but that’s just a dumb pop-song lyric that doesn’t match the real world – You are your own person, and you need to keep your hobbies as a priority, too.
#4 – To agree with all of their opinions
If your partner gets mad when you don’t agree with one of their opinions, then it is time to reevaluate things.
As we mentioned before, you are still your own individual self, and regardless of how much you are in love with this person, you still have your own opinions, and it is completely your right to disagree with any idea that doesn’t make sense to you.
Your partner shouldn’t be expecting you to have the exact same mindset as theirs, and you shouldn’t let go of yours because of anyone – You do you!
#5 – To ignore angry outbursts
©The Cheat Sheet
According to Imani Aieshah, certified couples relationship coach, intimacy is built on the capability of feeling safe enough to be authentic and vulnerable in the relationship, so technically, your partner doesn’t have the right to demand you to handle their angry outbursts only because they are stressed or had a bad day.
Automatically, a sense of resentment and anxiety will be built up in your relationship, which is obviously not a healthy state for both partners.
#6 – To minimize your accomplishments
This might be silly, but jealousy is very common in relationships, and no, we are not talking about ‘don’t talk to other people’ kind of jealousy, we are talking about ‘don’t be more successful than me’ and ‘your success should not let you shine brighter than me’ kind of jealousy.
This happens when one of the partners is insecure and not satisfied with their position, which is why they’d ask you to diminish your accomplishments and power to breed resentment.
Don’t downgrade yourself to satisfy the ego of your partner… if you’re successful, then celebrate it loudly!
#7 – To stop crying
When you find yourself in a relationship where you can’t express yourself, then you are in a toxic relationship.
It is a must to be able to talk about your feelings, especially the negative ones, that’s the only way to get into the root of an issue and to fix it completely. If your partner thinks that expressing your feelings is nagging, then you might be dealing with a deeper issue.
Also, never be ashamed to show your tears, if they want to flow, then let them out and don’t worry about what your partner would say.
#8 – To talk about your exes
This is a big no-no!
Your past relationships are a part of your private life and you don’t need to talk about them with anyone, especially if your partner started asking about intimate details. Yes, they are now in a relationship with you but that doesn’t mean you have to tell them about private things that happened in the past.
This road should never be taken by couples because it leads to insecurities, doubts, and fights. Just lock that info away and enjoy the present of you being together NOW!
#9 – To give your phone
That device holds a lot of your private information and conversations that no one has the right to see without your permission. When they ask to go through your phone, then they are breaking a major boundary violation.
Only a partner with trust issues would ask to check your phone, which is an issue that has to be addressed, especially when you are 100 percent sure you are not doing anything wrong that could arise doubts. If you are dealing with too many trust problems, then you are with the wrong partner…
#10 – To quit your job
If your partner asks you to quit your job, then they are technically asking you to relinquish financial independence against your will.
Whether you love or hate your job, no one is allowed to ask you to leave it. This decision is up to you, and never to your partner. After all, you have to follow your ambition and your significant other should be aware of that.
For example, if they think you are miserable at that job, then they can help you look for a better one instead of asking you to leave it and stay home.