Last Updated on December 23, 2020
© womanuntamed
There are some relationship hazards that can mean you’re in a codependent relationship. And even though there are worse ways to characterize different types of relationships such as abusive or toxic, it doesn’t mean that a codependent relationship is healthier or acceptable. After all, codependent relationships can transform into abusive relationships causing low self-esteem and serious psychological problems to both people involved.
Take a look at the signs of a codependent relationship and see if you find some or a lot of similarities compared to the relationship you’re in right now.
1. You can’t say no
It is totally ok and no when you don’t agree with something, even in your own relationship.
You should know that speaking your mind and doing what you want to do is part of a healthy relationship. If your partner truly loves you, they will understand your point of view and respect your decisions, so if you feel that saying no will make the other person feel less affection for you, it is a big red flag.
Being in a healthy relationship means engaging in open communication with your partner, and not being afraid to show your true emotions and thoughts.
However, if for some reason, your partner won’t listen or you feel like it’s totally impossible for you to say what you really mean, then you should reconsider your relationship.
2. You’re scared of abandonment
Is codependency bad for you? Well, relationship experts
say that it indeed is, especially when it comes to abandonment issues. Some people develop these fears because of past traumatic experiences; namely after being abandoned by a close family member or an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
But this can also be developed without suffering any such events in the past.
Some of us might overthink everything. And if we suddenly feel our partner pulling away even if just a little, we tend to make a big drama in our heads, we think they don’t like us anymore and we end up doing everything and going to extremes just to make sure they still want us in the way we want them.
How do you fix this, then? Well, for a romantic relationship to work, both partners need to have emotional independence.
Emotional independence means that even though two people love each other very much, they can still be away or show less affection sometimes, and it still won’t affect or mess with their heads.
Trust is also very important; you should trust your partner with your heart. If you don’t, then why are you even together?
3. The other person comes first
If you’re constantly putting the other person before you, it probably means that you’re in a codependent unhealthy relationship.
Although there’s nothing wrong with putting someone else before you from time to time, it becomes unhealthy when you start neglecting your family, friends and yourself.
Sometimes, your friends might notice you’re not hanging out with them as much and say something about it, but you’ll tend to ignore it.
Try to pay more attention to what your friends and family have to say about your behavior and relationship because it might be true.
As long as you are with the right person, this won’t happen at all, since the other person wants to please you too.
But, if you’re constantly doing stuff for them that you feel they don’t do for you, then it might be a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship.
We get that you’re invested in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean your ideas and needs can’t come first sometimes.
4. You cover up your partner’s addictions
If we’re talking about the signs of a toxic relationship, this one might be the hardest to deal with since it’s the most dangerous when it comes to someone’s health.
When you first start dating someone, you might be okay with them doing drugs but after a while, you might notice it’s more serious than you originally thought.
And no, you’re not the one who’s going to make them quit but if you truly care about your partner’s health, you would do anything to help them decrease their drug use.
Drugs use, alcohol abuse, or any other unhealthy habits you might think they have, require that you help them fight until the end.
So, if you find yourself actually helping them keep that habit or secret, and run away from its consequences, you’re probably in a co-dependent relationship.
5. You feel like you do all the work
Now, we’re not saying that if your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t plan anything and always leaves the “boring work” for you to do means that you’re in a codependent relationship.
Having said this, it takes two to tango and having two people working on a relationship is key on how to make your relationship last.
Whether you’re a married couple and you feel like you always take care of the kids while your partner is drinking beers with friends, or you are dating someone and it’s always you who pays for the dates and does the “chasing,” you should know that your partner is not deserving of you.
Things should be equally divided between a couple. And if you’re feeling like the other person isn’t being fair, try to talk to them. Communication in a relationship is known to solve most of the relationship problems, so give it a try.
Now that you have learned how codependency between couples might disguise as, know that it is never too late to change your relationship for the better, not only the relationship with the other person but also the relationship with yourself.
So if you truly relate to one or more of these warning signs of codependency in a relationship, you should take action and solve these problems with your partner if possible. If not, it’s best for you to go solo!